


Little Universe between Our Backs

by orchis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, faux redemption, knightpilotweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 12:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7267528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchis/pseuds/orchis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snoke instructs Kylo Ren to follow Han Solo back into the Resistance and pretend he wants to redeem himself, in order to gain their trust and crush them. It is also a test for his loyalties, to prove that he is truly devoted to the Dark Side and won’t fall back into the light. It all goes relatively smoothly until Kylo Ren has to face Poe Dameron. Written for knightpilot week, day 2, prompts, ‘Compromise’ and ‘Conflict of Interest’.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Universe between Our Backs

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place in a sort of AU where, instead of killing Han, Snoke instructs Kylo Ren to pretend to want to be redeemed so he can be welcomed into the Resistance and spy on them (also to test his loyalty to the Order and whatnot). I intended for it to be only based on the ‘Conflict of Interest’ prompt, but I ended up incorporating ‘Compromise’ too.

It’s easy to keep the anger hidden but alive, fuel it with bitterness every time Kylo sees Han Solo, every time General Organa looks at him and says how happy she is that he’s back, his son, his light, and by the way what else can he tell them about the First Order?

Kylo Ren, devoid of his mask, smiles, and looks guilty and conflicted, but resolute, and pretends. He feeds them information as best as he can. Supreme Leader Snoke told him not to spare any – they can take whatever attacks the Resistance attempted. He just has to focus on the goal. Soon, it’ll be over, soon he’ll finish what Vader started.

Yes, it is easy to keep his anger and remain loyal when he sees his father’s face, so damn relieved, as if the so-called return of Ben would erase the years of disappointments. But it’s not so easy with other people. Uncle Chewie is just uncle Chewie, even after all this time.

At first, Kylo spoke with him, because it was easier to pretend to want redemption when he didn’t want to maul the people in front of him, family relations or not. But then, of course, uncle Chewie started to bring back the dangerous type of memories, full of affection and bliss. It isn’t wise to linger on them, but Kylo endures. Because he knows he’s being tested, and he won’t fail.

Kylo follows uncle Chewie around like a lost defective droid, but he finds he doesn’t mind. It gives him something to do. He’s not allowed anywhere near where the decisions are made, or where any possible compromising information could fall into his ears. He knows he’s causing division among the Resistance, and that nobody trusts him, but it all helps his plan. He’s not allowed to use the Force, at least for now, and he can feel Organa’s presence surrounding him, always vigilant, making sure he doesn’t transgress.

Uncle Chewie doesn’t do much, not really. He talks to the pilots who can understand him, and Kylo lingers behind, pretending to be bashful, while he takes in as much information as possible. But then Chewie seems to be particularly attached to the scumbag traitor, FN-2187, who now calls himself Finn, and Kylo also has to spend some time with him.

FN-2187 was reluctant, at first, to talk to Kylo. But he has, after all, defected from the First Order recently. It only took a few vague admittances of regrets from Kylo’s part for FN-2187 to feel they had something in common. They are both trying to prove themselves, apparently; they are both trying to show the Resistance that they are here to help and can be trusted.

Once FN-2187 opens up to him, Poe Dameron follows.

He’s skittish, an anxious mess at first. They don’t talk about anything important. He simply approaches where uncle Chewie, Kylo and FN are talking, greets them, and asks FN if he’s seen Pava. He doesn’t avoid Kylo’s eyes, he doesn’t show any signs of wanting to punch him in the face either. He’s struggling, but Kylo knows he’s made up his mind about giving him a chance. He knows Poe. At least, he used to know him.

It isn’t much but it is a start.

Soon they start to eat together in the Mess Hall, just the three of them. Uncle Chewie goes back to spending time with Solo, and the scavenger girl has vanished. Everyone says she’d gone back to Jakku, but Kylo senses they’re hiding him something. He only hopes he can uncover it soon.

It’s mostly FN who does the talking. He talks about the First Order, of what it’s like being a Stormtrooper. Poe gives him his undivided attention, eyes full of sympathy, and he’s always so careful with his words, with his looks – always supportive, never patronising. Kylo remembers, and he feels the bitterness growing inside him. Poe was always a good listener when it came to things that didn’t matter at all.

But one day FN is gone, sent by Commander Kun to do something he can’t tell Kylo about, and Kylo finds himself sitting alone in the Mess Hall. It’s ridiculous. It feels like being a kid again, all those eyes on him, all those whispers behind his back, as if quietness were a good disguise for their screaming thoughts.

Poe sits in front of him, carrying his own food on a tray.

‘Hey,’ he says. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but I’d never caught you alone.’

‘We’re not alone,’ Kylo automatically replies, and he doesn’t realise it was a suggestion until Poe rolls his eyes.

‘This is as alone with you as I’m getting,’ Poe says. Suddenly Kylo finds it hard to control his expression, but Poe must be seeing something in his eyes because he feels compelled to justify himself. ‘Well, I’m sorry, but the whole “I’ll slaughter a village and let my minions torture you and then violate your mind” thing you got going on for you isn’t exactly making it easy for me to trust you.’

Kylo looks down and says, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah. I don’t know if I believe you,’ Poe says. ‘But Finn likes you, for some unfathomable reason.’

There it is again, anger bubbling down the surface, Kylo barely can contain it.

‘What does Finn have to do with anything?’ he spits. Poe looks at him, taken aback. Kylo takes a deep breath. Yes, the anger is good, it is so good to embrace it, if you’re in a battle with a lightsaber in hand. Some battles aren’t won like that.

‘Forgive me,’ he says, quickly. ‘I appreciate your honesty. I know not everyone trusts me, and I can’t blame them. But I will prove it to you. I’ll prove that I can be trusted.’

He looks right into Poe’s eyes, and something inside him breaks a bit. There’s so much sadness and yearning in those eyes, and suddenly Kylo is aware that every single one of their interactions has been controlled by those emotions.

Poe is older, rougher around the ages. But he’s still the most handsome bastard Kylo’s ever seen. He tries to tame his hair now, but the curls are still messy, and Kylo realises he wants to run his hands through them like he used to do so long ago. He tells himself it’ll be good to earn Poe Dameron’s trust. Once he trusts Kylo again, the pilots will follow.

They’ve been silent so long that the situation has become awkward. Kylo looks away, bashful, and blurts out. ‘I believe this is the part of a conversation in which you’re supposed to reply.’

Poe sighs.

‘I really want to believe you,’ he says. ‘But I can’t. Not just yet.’

That’s a start.

* * *

They orbit in circles around one another. FN is gone for a few days now, and Poe is eating almost every meal with Kylo and talking about things that are completely irrelevant. Once, Kylo asks about Kes Dameron. Poe says he hasn’t seen his old man in a while, but that they comm regularly, and he’s fine, healthy.

‘Does he know,’ Kylo asks, out of the blue, ‘that you gave your mother’s jacket away?’

Poe’s entire body language changes. He’s tense now, shocked. Good. Kylo’s growing tired of the polite interactions. He needs something to happen; everything else is stagnant.

‘What makes you think you have the right to ask me that?’ Poe says, frowning.

Kylo shrugs. ‘You once told me that was your most precious possession. You’ve never been one attached to material things. I was just wondering what compelled you to give it to Finn.’

‘People change, Ben.’

‘Believe me, I know. Which is why I’m asking.’

Poe looks at him, once again surprised. Uncertain. Vulnerable. Kylo isn’t self-deluded enough to pretend the intense longing he’s feeling at this moment, and that Poe must be seeing in his face, is all fake. It scares him.

‘I have to go,’ he says. He stands up and leaves as fast as his feet will take him.

* * *

It takes him several hours to regain his composure. He wants to tear something apart, destroy the base of the Resistance, and fly back to finish his training with Snoke. But he’s got a plan, and he’s being tested, and he can’t fail. So he stays, and swallows his anger – it will only be bigger by the time he unleashes it – and goes searching for Poe when he feels under control.

He finds him checking on his X-Wing, hands deep down into the machine. From what Kylo can see, he’s changing the oil. He does come down when he sees Kylo and does follow him into a corner of the hangar when he says he wants to talk.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ Kylo beings. ‘I just-I was curious. Given our history, I wanted to know. I want to know. But of course, I don’t have the right. I forgot my place for a second.’

Poe drags his hand down his face and a leaves a tiny smear of grease on his forehead. ‘I know. I’m sorry. We… we probably should talk. We never really did it, not properly. If we’re going to try to be in amicable terms, or whatever the fuck it is we’re trying to do right now, I think we need to clarify some things.’

Kylo nods. He’s not sure he wants to hear it from Poe’s mouth, the reasons why he stopped loving him, the reasons why he ended it all just before Ben Solo became Kylo Ren. But part of him has always been curious, so he stays.

‘Go on,’ he says, and sits down, to show Poe that he isn’t a threat. Poe slips down next to him.

‘I mourned you, you know?’

Kylo feels a shock through his system. Suddenly all pieces fall together. ‘You didn’t know.’

Poe chuckles, and he looks so devastated Kylo has to fight the urge to grab him, hug him, do something to stop the pain he’s feeling just by seeing Poe in this state.

It is ridiculous. It scares him. But it’s a test. It’s a test, and he’ll pass.

‘Your mother – the General – she… she didn’t say anything. She said I’m sorry, over and over again, when I asked her about what had happened with Skywalker’s pupils, and she hugged me and sobbed with me, and in the funeral for the victims she allowed them to list your name, and she never told me, hey, guess what, he’s alive. He also killed all these people, but he’s not gone forever.’

Kylo frowns. ‘Would it have made a difference?’

Poe shakes, hollow laughter drowning in his throat. ‘You tell me. If I’d gone after you, right away. If I’d asked you why. If I’d begged, would you have come back?’

Kylo swallows and he has to look away because he doesn’t know.

‘I don’t know. I don’t know, Poe. You left me.’

‘I was… It was temporary.’

‘You sure as hell didn’t make it look temporary.’

‘I needed space and–’ a groan. ‘Does it matter? I was young and foolish. I thought I had to leave you be, for just a little time, let you focus on your training, and maybe that’ll help you decide what you wanted; if you wanted me.’

‘So dumping me was about helping me, then?’ Kylo says, full of resentment, and he wants to choke Poe with his bare hands.

‘I told myself I was doing you a favour, but I was selfish. I just needed the space for myself,’ Poe admits. ‘I couldn’t… You know how it was. Being apart from you when we were teens, it was hard.’

‘I was there too, you know.’

‘I know, I know. I thought one of the benefits of being a grown up meant that we wouldn’t have to be apart.’

‘You didn’t oppose to me going to train with Skywalker. In fact, you were highly encouraging.’

Poe groans.

‘I know. Would you let me finish? I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought it was for the greater good, and I had no right to keep you by my side when you could do so much more if you had the right guidance. But I was an idiot. I thought I could take being apart from you, do the whole long-distance relationship thing again. I thought I could, but I couldn’t. I was hurting and confused, and I thought I’d been with you long enough; maybe it was for the best if we just took a breather to figure out if we really wanted each other.’

‘Well, thanks for consulting me on that,’ Kylo said. ‘I’m glad you realise now that it only backfired spectacularly.’

Poe takes a moment before he continues talking. ‘I thought you were dead. I broke up with you, and less than a week later you were gone forever.’

Kylo tenses. He’s not wrong. Ben is gone. He wants to say as much, but he lets Poe speak.

‘It was hell. I mourned you. I grieved, and then I swore I would fight, with all my power, against the monster who had taken you from me.’

Kylo chuckles. ‘How is that working for you?’

‘Fuck you, Ben, I’m trying to be honest with you. I didn’t know.’

‘That explains your behaviour when I… when we met, earlier. At Jakku and afterwards.’

‘You mean when you tortured me?’ Poe says, raising his eyebrows. There’s some bravado, but it doesn’t fool Kylo. He knows he’s still scared. And he realises just how much effort it has been taking Poe Dameron to just bear to be in his presence, the presence of the so-called monster who hurt him so badly. Of reconciling the man he loved with the man he wanted to destroy, and the strength it must be taking him to try to move past all that.

It’s not fair. The way Poe looks at him, right at this very moment, is poking at Kylo’s heart in a way he hasn’t felt in years. Poe always did that – scratched Ben’s skin open with his fingernails, and dig his index finger into his heart, in a way no one else could.

They were so young and so stupid.

‘If you’d known,’ Kylo says. ‘If you’d showed me you knew that I  was – used to be – am… Ben Solo. If you’d say anything, things might’ve been different. I assumed you knew the truth, and that Ben Solo was dead to you, and I was fine with that. It made things easier.’

‘Well, I’m glad your mother’s lack of trust in me made it easy for you to violate my mind and let your minions beat me up,’ Poe deadpans.

‘I’m trying too here, Poe. I did terrible, terrible things. But I’m here now.’

‘Yes, and I don’t know what to make of that,’ Poe says. ‘I loved you so, so much, Ben. When I thought you died, a part of me died with you. I moved on. I loved again–’ Kylo tenses. He’d suspected it, but it still fills him with anger to know that Poe attempted to replace him. ‘Time passed. I thought I was over it. You were a bittersweet memory, and I could treasure you, us, and fuel my purpose.’

Kylo wants to scream at him. He feels the contradictions ripping through him, and he tells himself this is useful, he needs to embrace that, the confusion will only make him emerge stronger once this is all over. He can allow himself the temptation. He’s sure it’s all part of the Supreme Leader’s plan.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he finds himself saying. And it’s weird because it doesn’t feel like his own voice. It’s like something inside him, small and bruised and diminished, is suddenly taking over his vocal cords. ‘I was sad but it wasn’t the only thing that pushed me over the edge. I wasn’t thinking of you when I… when I killed all of them. When I did everything else I did. I wasn’t thinking of us.’

Poe doesn’t say anything. Around them, night has fallen. The lights in the hangar are bright, and the air in the base is warm, almost suffocating.

‘Poe,’ Kylo says. He shifts so he’s looking at him in the face, and tentatively places a hand on Poe’s shoulder. ‘You weren’t all wrong. I felt Ben Solo was dead, for a long, long time. But I am reborn, and seeing you again was what started it all for me.’

Poe’s eyes widen. It’s not exactly a lie. Seeing Poe Dameron, roaming through his mind, brought its challenges. He felt the pull to the light so much harder after being near him. The memory of Poe didn’t come without sorrow and anger, but it was tied to such happiness too, a happiness he hadn’t felt in so long, and that he hadn’t realised he yearned for. In the end, it doesn’t matter, he’s determined to remain loyal to the First Order. But he figures putting it like this will fit better with his redemption story.

For a fraction of a second, Poe’s eyes slip to Kylo’s lips, and it’s all the encouragement he needs to act. Kylo closes his eyes and leans forward, and stops just a breath away from Poe’s mouth. He allows Poe to close the distant between them.

* * *

They are hesitant at first, taking little steps towards each other. But once Poe is confident enough to grab Kylo’s hand in public, to lean on him for just a little longer than he would on anybody else, all the other pilots start to open up, one by one. They say hi to Kylo in the hallways, they smile, they ask him about his day. It’s all very boring and inane, but Kylo knows he’s now closer than ever to gain the trust of the Resistance.

When FN returns from his mission, Kylo takes pleasure in seeing that Poe’s attitude towards the traitor has changed. He’s still the sweetest, friendliest idiot Kylo has ever known. But there’s a distance there which didn’t use to be, and the confusion and hurt Kylo can sense coming from FN every time they talk are incredibly satisfying.

He knows he was right, he knows there was something going on there, and it only fuels his anger. It will be so, so very satisfying once he finally gets to kill the traitor. In the meantime, he pretends not notice.

And then there’s Poe. Poe trusts him. He’s opening up to him, blossoming every day, and it tugs at threads inside Kylo that he thought he no longer had. Every time he smiles, every time he winks at him, or when his hand lingers on his skin, it burns him. It’s like a passion has resurrected. And Kylo doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s dangerous. But he carries on because that’s what he’s supposed to do. The Supreme Leader told him to go as far as he had to, to share as much information about the Order as it was possible, to not hold back, do whatever it takes to gain their trust, to learn their ways, to break them apart from the inside. The goal is Skywalker, either the map to him or to destroy him when he finally shows his face in front of his sister. Kylo just has to be patient. And he guesses he’s allowed to have a little fun in the meantime.

So he kisses Poe in corridors, lets him press him against walls, rub his crotch with his thigh, sink his teeth into his neck, leave his marks, let them all know that Ben Solo’s back and back in his pilot’s arms. And in return, Poe gives him the most delicious sounds, lets Kylo run his hands through his curls like he used to, kisses him with such a passion that sometimes Kylo forgets he is Kylo Ren, and he feels a bit like Ben used to, all those years ago, when his life was full of light and Poe was this bottomless well of joy.

‘Hey,’ Poe says, his voice low, and pulls away just enough to look into his eyes. Instinctively, Kylo tries to follow him and catch his lower lip between his teeth, but Poe pulls even further away, smiling. ‘Hey. Do you want to come back to my room?’

Kylo smiles. He leans back on the wall and looks at Poe, pretends to ponder it because he doesn’t want to seem so eager; because he doesn’t want Poe to know he’s really got him wrapped around his finger.

He tells himself he’s doing this for the cause.

‘I don’t know, Dameron,’ he says. He gives Poe a crooked smile, but his eyes never leave Poe’s as he says, ‘What can you offer me there that you can’t give to me here?’

Poe’s eyes darken, his breath hitches. Kylo is mad with desire.

‘Why don’t you let me show you,’ Poe says, and Kylo lets him drag him by the hand.

* * *

Poe’s absolutely unabashed about getting undressed in front of him. He was always confident like that, but Kylo finds he had missed the show. Not that Poe is purposefully putting on a show. He’s simply disrobing, slowly, never losing eye contact with Kylo, and every centimetre of skin that he reveals makes Kylo’s heart quicken.

Poe comes to the bed, and smirks, lowers himself, his so gloriously naked self, on Kylo’s lap. He kisses him feverishly, cradling Kylo’s face in his hands with so much gentleness that it rips Kylo apart, makes him wanna rip Poe apart. He devours Poe with his fingers and palms, eyes closed, trying to recognise the body of a man he thought he’d never hold again. The memories are there, so strong and alive, the scent of Poe’s skin, the way he likes to caress the roof of Kylo’s mouth with his tongue, the way he doesn’t conceal, doesn’t hide, lets Kylo touch him, feel him, scratch him, bruise him. He’s giving himself entirely, and Kylo can’t get enough.

‘Come on,’ Poe whispers, ‘Take off your clothes. Let me see you.’

Kylo obeys, almost without thinking, no time to feel shame, no time for anxiety or doubts. Who cares. This whole mission has been a give and take, offer bits of himself – of Ben, he thinks, not of Kylo – in order to get what he wants. Right now, he wants Poe. So he lets Poe take his shirt off, lets Poe take it all in.

‘You’re so pale,’ Poe says, but it’s not a criticism. He presses his hand against Kylo’s sternum and pushes him onto the mattress. ‘We should go swimming,’ he says, kissing Kylo’s chest little by little, reclaiming what was once his and that he thought lost. ‘Do you remember when we used to? Back in Yav-’ he gasps when Kylo grabs his curls with a hand, pushes him down slightly.

Kylo’s trying to control his own strength, trying to restrain his passion, trying not to scare Poe away with too much forcefulness. There’ll be time, he thinks, for him to reclaim what was once his. Right now he can let Poe have whatever he wants.

‘I remember,’ he says. Poe sits back on his heels, undoes the buttons in Kylo’s trousers, has him naked and hard before Kylo can even begin to process it.

‘Tell me what you want,’ Poe says, out of breath. ‘How do you want it.’

Kylo stops for a second. He wants to fuck Poe, press him against the mattress, rip him apart. He wants Poe to suck him off, take him so deep into his mouth that he’s choking. He wants Poe to say the number of men he’s had since Ben died, and he wants to know their names, and hunt them down, and kill them one by one. He wants to fuck Poe so nice and so good, fill him up deep and raw so he’ll forget that he’s ever had anyone else, that there was ever someone else who wasn’t Ben, who isn’t Kylo.

Poe is looking at him, puzzled, and for a second, he is vulnerable, completely under Kylo’s power.

‘The way you’re looking at me,’ Poe says, and there are traces of sadness in his voice that Kylo wants to strip away. ‘I’d forgotten how intense your eyes are, like no one else’s eyes.’

There’s the feeling there again, ugly jealousy twisting in Kylo’s stomach.

‘I want your mouth,’ he says. Poe doesn’t even take a second to comply. He engulfs his dick, strokes it with his hand at the same time, twisting his tongue and sucking on the head. It’s a good technique, Kylo thinks, but it’s been so long since he’s done this. No time for quickies in the Order, no time to get someone on their knees for you when you’re so hell-bent on becoming the most powerful man in the galaxy and taking over the New Republic.

Poe is good, and everything about this is tearing him apart with its familiarity.

‘I want your mouth,’ Kylo begins and tangles his fingers in Poe’s curls, pulls, tries to trap him into a rhythm. Poe lets him, if anything, seems more eager. ‘I want all of you. I want. I want you to forget there was ever anyone but me. That you ever loved anyone else. That you ever wanted anyone else. I want you to be mine, only mine, forever mine.’

He’s close now, and Poe may feel it, because he pulls away. He licks his lips, and it’s obscene and beautiful.

‘Fuck me,’ Kylo says, suddenly. Poe nods and he stands up, rummages through a drawer, grabs a bottle of lube. Kylo feels it again, the jealousy.

But Poe sits on top of him once again, and kisses him, pulls at Kylo’s cock teasingly while he opens him up. His movements are so delicate, so precise, and it’s driving Kylo crazy. ‘More,’ he says. ‘Just fuck me. Do it.’

He pulls Poe closer, sinks his teeth into his neck, and Poe moans. ‘I don’t wanna hurt you,’ he says and pulls his finger away.

‘I don’t care,’ says Kylo. ‘Just do it.’

Poe hurries through the preparation, slipping another two fingers way faster than he should’ve, and it hurts, but Kylo prefers this because it is distracting, it keeps him grounded and stops him from getting lost. Because the sensations are intense, and Poe’s body is so warm and familiar and inviting, and he didn’t know how much he missed this proximity, how much he missed Poe.

And once Poe’s cock slides inside him, he knows he’s gone. He knows he’ll be doing this again, and again, and again, as many times as possible, and he doesn’t particularly care if it jeopardises his plan. Who the fuck could care about jedis or the Resistances, or the First Order, about legacies and galaxies and fights when Poe’s fingers are digging into his hips, when the friction of his dick inside him is making him see stars, when Kylo knows that for a moment the whole universe is within them.

He remembers being Ben, he remembers being in love, and he realises that the dead man’s heart is still beating inside him, loud and clear, blood pounding in his ears, every cell of his body yearning for Poe, aching for more. ‘Fuck,’ he growls. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck.’

Poe changes the angle a little bit and Kylo has never felt this good in his life, so full. He feels like he’s moaning with his whole body, and it only takes a few strokes of Poe’s hand on his cock to have him clench his ass, nerves raw, pleasure radiating from his lower belly to the rest of his body. He comes and spills himself in Poe’s fingers.

Poe keeps fucking him through his orgasm,and when he’s done, he pulls out to empty himself on Kylo’s stomach, their comes mixing, and it’s sticky and gross and it makes Kylo wish he was so much younger so he could go on and on and on through the night, without stopping, until he’s gotten Poe out of his system, until he’s satiated this hunger and he can remain Kylo Ren.

He’s doomed. This is never going to work.

Poe kisses him, just a few touches to his lips, quickly, as if he can’t help himself, before slipping off the bed. He disappears into the adjacent room comes back with clean towels. Poe takes care of cleaning their bodies. He’s very much in charge, and Kylo would be a fool not to admit that.

Afterwards, Poe lies down next to him, but it is Kylo who curls up against him, who puts his arms around Poe and buries his nose in his hair. He feels it again, the pull of the light. It’s stupid. It’s just a dick, it can’t be that special. But he knows he’s doomed. He’s done some shit in his life. He’s done everything he must – he’s got a plan, a goal, a purpose, and he’s hurt so, so many people, and he’d do it again to get what he wants.

But who says he can’t have it all. He can have Poe, he can have this, and then some. Didn’t his grandfather, after all, saw the truth and turned to the Dark Side for the love he felt towards Padme Amidala?

Love? Does he love Poe still?

‘Are you okay?’ Poe asks.

‘You didn’t hurt me,’ Kylo replies.

‘I’m not asking about your ass, but thanks for clarifying,’ Poe says, cheekily.

Kylo rolls his eyes. ‘I missed you,’ he says.

‘I missed you too, Ben.’

Kylo freezes at the sudden realisation that Poe doesn’t know, Poe thinks, Poe believes…

‘Hey,’ Poe says, cupping his cheek. Again, those fucking gentle ways of him are worse than if he’d put a lightsaber through his chest. ‘Hey, it’s okay. We’ll sort it out.’

For a moment, Kylo wants to be Ben. He wants to be everything he’s pretending to be if only so he can have Poe looking at him like this for the rest of eternity.

It complicates things. But he’ll sort it out. This doesn’t have to ruin his plans. So Kylo nods. ‘Take me swimming,’ he says, softly.

Poe smiles, and it’s all that matters for now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what’s happening to me… I was here for the porn, I only wanted to write another PWP, and instead I ended up with this. Help. I didn’t get into this ship expecting these feels. Anyway, thanks for reading!


End file.
